Nine Times I Got Excited Because I Thought I Saw a Dog, But It Was Actually Something Else—Ranked by How Disappointed I Felt

A cat on a leash.
Photograph by Sari O'Neal / Alamy

What I thought I saw: A Jack Russell terrier
What I actually saw: A cat on a leash in the park
How disappointed I felt: It’s always disappointing when you think you see a dog and it’s something else, but this was a relatively soft blow. A cat on a leash is a fun novelty. I even got to pet her for a few seconds, though she was not interested.

What I thought I saw: An American Eskimo dog
What I actually saw: A toilet discarded on the curb
How disappointed I felt: Somewhat. But look on the bright side: free toilet!

What I thought I saw: A Chihuahua
What I actually saw: A plastic bag fluttering around on the sidewalk
How disappointed I felt: This was pretty bad. First I didn’t see a dog. Then I thought about littering and the environmental devastation wrought by oil-based plastics.

What I thought I saw: A corgi
What I actually saw: A chocolate babka on a bakery shelf
How disappointed I felt: A little bit, although at least a dog had not been cruelly abandoned on a bakery shelf.

What I thought I saw: Another corgi
What I actually saw: A cinnamon babka right next to the chocolate babka on that same bakery shelf
How disappointed I felt: I was mostly angry at myself. In retrospect, I should have been able to infer that this, too, was a babka and not a corgi. The good news is that right next to this babka there really was an adorable corgi. I hope he’s O.K.—I wonder where his owner went.

What I thought I saw: A beagle
What I actually saw: A ceramic sculpture of a beagle, outside a fancy coffee shop
How disappointed I felt: This was crushing. Reader, he looked just like a beagle! But when I petted him and asked who was a good boy, his skin was cold and hard, and he was unresponsive. It was like that time, at the end of the relationship, when Susan was there physically, but looking into her eyes, I knew she was somewhere far away. Susan is married now, even though just six months ago she said that she wasn’t looking for anything serious. While they do have shortcomings, at least ceramic sculptures of beagles can’t lie.

What I thought I saw: A golden retriever
What I actually saw: My nephew, running toward me, demanding a hug
How disappointed I felt: This was a huge bummer. I had thought that my brother adopted a dog, but he was just toting his annoying son around. My nephew will not play fetch. He can talk, but instead of saying cool things like a talking dog would, he just asks if he can use my iPad or if I know what Fortnite is. Pass!

What I thought I saw: An Italian greyhound
What I actually saw: My own emaciated, terrified reflection in a pond
How disappointed I felt: Generally speaking, there is no disappointment greater than the kind I experience when I have to confront who I have become.

What I thought I saw: A Bernese mountain dog
What I actually saw: A tiger that had escaped from the zoo; funny story—I didn’t realize this until I tried to pet him
How disappointed I felt: I got eaten. :-(