Six Things Millennials Have in Common with Dr. Frasier Crane (No. 5 Will Drive You Into a Deep Depression)

Photograph from Alamy

Here they are—the six things that millennials have in common with America’s favorite radio psychiatrist, Frasier Crane. As a quick heads-up, No. 5 is going to punch you in the gut so hard you’ll piss blood.

1. He was a foodie.

That’s right, just like the generation that popularized avocado toast, Frasier appreciated the finer things in life, including top-notch cuisine from Seattle’s premier fictional dining destination, Chez Henri.

O.K., so obviously you want to skip to No. 5. Please don’t. It’ll hurt you. In fact, the best thing you can do right now is close your computer, turn off your phone, and forget that this listicle exists. Go live your life. Hug your kid. Walk over to your spice rack and smell the cumin. (When’s the last time you just enjoyed the earthy smell of cumin?) Of course, you could also keep reading this stupid thing, but if you do, No. 5 will ruin you.

2. He liked drinking.

Although Dr. Crane and his brother Niles might have preferred sherry over the hoppy ales and craft cocktails of today’s bar scene, Frasier’s fondness for daily alcohol consumption is shared by millennials, too.

Seriously, though, once you know No. 5, there is no unknowing it. It’s an incurable thought-virus. Like seeing weird porn in your dad’s browser history, or watching “Midsommar,” No. 5 will stay with you. Sure, you’ll still be able to do regular things. You’ll go to work. You’ll play Zelda. But whenever you’re alone for too long without any outside stimulus—say, when your phone dies and you’re just sitting quietly on a train—you’ll remember it.

3. He preferred urban living.

Although most millennials wouldn’t be able to afford Frasier’s swanky Seattle condo, they too are living in bigger cities and smaller spaces. (Ahem—“tiny homes,” anyone?)

You know what, fine. Keep reading. Ignore my warnings. I actually respect it, in a weird way.

4. He was a serial dater.

Even though he didn’t have access to Tinder or Bumble, Frasier, like many millennials, loved to play the field. In fact, the famed barfly and Harvard alumnus dated more than sixty women over the course of his “lifetime” (and was married twice).

Think about what you’re doing. Why are you still here? What is it about human beings and big red buttons? Is it indeed a drive beyond curiosity, perhaps “der Todestrieb,” as Frasier would have put it, drawing from Freudian psychoanalytic theory—a kind of death drive? Are you truly so fascinated by destruction that you will sublimate your own well-being? Fine. Here’s No. 5.

5. He was your age.

That’s right—Frasier Crane, the most adult adult who’s ever existed in reality or fiction, was in his early thirties when he joined the gang at Cheers. And, although the character may have aged barely into his forties when his self-titled spinoff first aired, Kelsey Grammer was only thirty-eight. Which means that if “Frasier” were to première today, its marquee actor would be a millennial. Like you.

So there you have it. You read No. 5. Now you know that you are currently the same age as Frasier Crane, the Platonic form of “middle-aged man.” And, however you feel about your home, your career, and your station in life, you know that you are not Frasier. He was a grownup. He could quote Shakespeare and Proust, from memory and at appropriate moments. He approached everything with effortless expertise, as if he’d done it all before. He played squash on the weekends and piano in the evening. He had a breakfast robe. Hell, this isn’t exactly like realizing that you’re the same age as Chandler Bing.

Now, you might be thinking that Frasier Crane wasn’t actually mature—that the tension between his pompous exterior and juvenile motivations served as the foundational wellspring of humor for the character. You might say that the viewer was meant to see the worlds of his shows through the everyman eyes of Marty, Sam Malone, or even Bulldog. But be honest—you know that’s not true. Frasier Crane was adulthood manifest. And you’re just an aging tween with imposter syndrome.

O.K., that’s it. You have the knowledge of No. 5. And, now that you do, you can never wash yourself clean of it—not with all the sherry in Seattle.

6. He lived with his dad.