Philadelphia Eagles Accept Mueller’s Offer to Celebrate With Him

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Photograph by Mark Wilson / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Philadelphia Eagles have accepted Robert Mueller’s invitation to come to his office and celebrate their Super Bowl victory with him, Mueller has confirmed.

The special counsel said that he was “absolutely tickled” that the Eagles had accepted his invitation. “I’m a huge fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, and it turns out the feeling is mutual,” he said.

According to one member of the team, the Eagles accepted Mueller’s invitation only after being assured that their visit would not in any way distract the special counsel from “getting his job done.”

“What Bob Mueller is doing is so much more important than any Super Bowl,” the Eagle player said. “If he wins, the whole world wins.”

For his part, Mueller praised the Eagles for responding to his invitation so quickly, adding, “I invited Trump to see me months ago, and I still haven’t heard back.”