Attention, viewer—the movie you’re about to watch with your parents is rated R for “Really Packed with Character Actors.” This material may not be suitable for parents who have to verbally identify every actor who appears on the screen.
Watching this movie could be shocking or disturbing to viewers who just wanted to relax and enjoy the opening scene without hearing “Hey, it’s that guy from that thing!”
It will not matter that the guy is Steve Buscemi, or that he is in many, many things. All that will matter is identifying the specific film that your parents saw him in most recently. The dramatic tension will become palpable when your mother exclaims, “No, Tom, that’s not him! He was in that other thing!,” and will escalate steadily until the closing credits.
This film may contain thematic elements that viewers will miss entirely, as your parents are too busy trying to nail down the complete filmography of Tilda Swinton.
Sequences of violence occur in this film that could be troubling to viewers, as the assailant is wearing a mask that obscures his face but your dad swears that his voice sounds “vaguely familiar.”
Chaos will ensue when the number of people that need identifying reaches its apex, after Jennifer Coolidge makes an appearance and your parents argue over whether that’s the lady from “Best in Show” or “My Best Friend’s Wedding.”
This film contains adult language that will inevitably be drowned out by a chorus of “Damn, I can’t remember his name!” and “Shit, we just saw that other movie he was in three weeks ago!”
Toward the end of this film, a phone call will be made to your mom’s friend Denise. The ensuing dialogue will begin, “Hey, do you remember that movie we saw the other week with the tulips that look just like the tulips your cousin’s friend grows in her garden?” It will conclude with your mom hanging up and announcing, “Denise doesn’t remember that actor’s name, either.”
Viewer discretion, and easy access to IMDb, is advised.
