Some Questions You Can Ask Me Instead of Siri

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Photograph by Andrea Kamal / Getty

“How can two toilet brushes go missing?”

“What day are income-tax returns due this year?”

“Does American Airlines fly to Rome?”

“How did the Incredible String Band get its name?”

“Does Melania Trump have sisters?”

“Who has written essays defending pit bulls?”

“How is brisket made?”

“Which cosmetic companies have stopped testing products on animals?”

“Who invented the flyswatter?”

“Do children still eat dirt because of dietary deficiencies?”

“What is the worst danger of eating red meat?”

“What are the big pickles from delis called?”

“Does the S.P.C.A. accept returned animals?”

“How is mustard made?”

“What was Freud’s theory about losing things, such as toilet brushes?”

“What is the name of the performance hall in San Francisco famous for musical acts in the nineteen-seventies?”

“What is the astrological sign of Melania Trump?”

“Did a sister of Melania Trump go swimming in the Trevi Fountain?”

“How are artichokes prepared in Rome?”

“Does American Airlines have a partner that flies to Rome?”

“What is the value of the dollar versus the euro?”

“Are there flies in Rome during the summer?”

“Who is Tuli Kupferberg?”

“Is it legal to order mustard seeds by mail?”

“What follows the saying, ‘If ye have faith as a grain of mustard’?”

“Does Melania Trump eat meat?”

“Who last jumped the White House fence?”

“Were Freud and Jung an item?”

“Who cleans the White House bathrooms?”

“When can tourists visit the White House?”

“What is a ‘quality person’?”

“What is the best way to kill houseflies?”

“Who is most famous for jumping into the Trevi Fountain?”

“How do I redeem frequent-flyer points on American Airlines?”

“How many people believe that their devices listen to them when they are turned off?”

“Is writing ‘Melania Trump’ something that might get you audited?”

“Is the blue light on my device radioactive?”

“Which famous musicians from the seventies have died?”

“Forget that. Is Tuli Kupferberg alive?”

“Will my device soon be deeply discounted?”

“Is it legal to order lemon verbena, or other things that look like pot, by mail?”

“In how many states is pot legal for treating medical problems?”

“Is there still a Surgeon General?”

“Is Raid destructive to my health?”

“Do Melania and Donald Trump have a song they consider ‘theirs’?”

“Which President has held the most dances following dinners at the White House?”

“What is a plié?”

“Which animals eat their young?”

“Will using a rubber band effectively kill houseflies?”