It’s that time again, when you look in the mirror, question every decision you’ve ever made, and then ask yourself, “Should I get bangs?” Here’s a helpful questionnaire to guide you to the right answer:
1. Are you looking to just change things up?
2. Did you get the idea because you saw a cool Instagram model who had flawless fringe bangs and you thought, Yeah, I could do that?
3. Are you tired of getting your eyebrows done?
4. Is this the first time in ten years that you’ll have bangs, and do you therefore not know what they will look like on your now fully formed adult head?
5. Do you put your hair up a lot and feel like maybe, if you had bangs, people wouldn’t notice that your hair is constantly a mess and never clean, and also that the bangs might make people think you actually put effort into the way you look?
6. Are you going through a breakup?
7. Are you suffering from crippling loneliness?
8. Are you going through a breakup and suffering from crippling loneliness, and can you not quite pinpoint which came first?
9. Do you feel as if bangs will cover up your deepest insecurities and also your forehead acne and that this two-for-one in the pros column outweighs the fact that your face shape isn’t incredibly bangs-friendly?
10. Are you considering changing your look, packing your bags, and moving to a new place to open a bookstore, even though you know that would be a terrible idea, because small businesses are really tough, but who cares because you just watched “You’ve Got Mail” and you want to live that charming Kathleen Kelly life style, dammit!
11. Are you trying to go incognito and flee the country, running from a crime that you may or may not have committed, and, sure, it was just an accident, but who is going to believe you, but, hey, since you’ve never had an A-line bob with bangs before, maybe it’s the perfect disguise?
12. Are you hoping that bangs will help you avoid eye contact with everyone you meet, because someone once told you that eyes are the windows to the soul, and if that’s the case you’re, like, “Count me out!” so you opt for bangs, because if eyes are the windows then bangs are the curtains, and if you can keep those curtains drawn you’ll never look someone in the eyes long enough to fall in love, and if you can’t fall in love there’s no chance for heartbreak, which is ultimately your biggest fear in life?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should not get bangs, but you probably will anyway.
