I’m the Person “Your Song” by Elton John Was Written for, and I Would Like a Real Gift Instead

Elton John sing onstage at the Lucca Summer Festival.
Photograph by Stefano Dalle Luche / Getty

I hate to make a big fuss over this, but I was explicitly told that I can tell everybody—so, yes, this is my song. Elton John’s “Your Song” was, in fact, written for me. That being said, it’s not what you might think. Most people assume that it was some kind of grand romantic gesture—but that simply is not the case. It was a housewarming gift.

Now, I understand that their gift is their song, but that wasn’t really what I had expected as a housewarming present when I invited Elton John and Bernie Taupin to a party at my new home, especially after I specifically asked them to bring ice.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lovely tune, but it didn’t do me much good at a housewarming party where I was completely out of ice. I mean, they could have even brought a cheap bottle of wine, I wouldn’t have cared. But a song—what use is that?

I said to them, “Hey, where’s the ice?” when they walked in, because I was really in a bind and they’d promised they’d bring it. Drinks were getting warm at this point. They sort of just looked at each other, and then were all, like, “Oh, actually, we got you something else,” and went over to the piano. I had to stop my party playlist, and “Love Shack” had just come on, so it really disrupted the whole vibe.

Listen, I normally would never look a gift horse in the mouth, but, like, it didn’t even have my name in it. That doesn’t seem very personal. Daniel got his name in his song. Hell, he made it into the title! So it’s certainly not like they’re against putting names in their songs—just ask Susie, Bennie, or Tony Danza.

Calling it “Your Song” seemed a little generic, if you ask me, and I started to wonder if the one-size-fits-all ditty might be a regift. After all, Elton famously regifted Marilyn Monroe’s song to Princess Diana.

I started asking around, and apparently these two pull this stunt wherever they go. Secret Santa gift swap? “Your Song.” Engagement party? “Your Song.” Dog’s birthday party? “Your Song.” It’s honestly insulting. I didn’t really want the song, but if I’m getting it I don’t want to have to share it with a terrier that just turned seven.

And they don’t even try to keep this little scam they’re running hush-hush! They’re, like, “Oh, you can tell everybody that this is your song.” Don’t they realize that we’re going to catch on once we get to talking? How many bar fights have broken out between people claiming ownership of this song? It’s absolutely reckless.

I’m not a materialistic person—truly, all I expected was ice (didn’t get it, had to run out in the middle of my housewarming party to pick some up)—but, if I am exchanging gifts with Elton John, he has to do better than a song. He sings about not having much money and the song is the best he can do? Excuse me?! The man has “Lion King” money! Speaking of which, if I was getting a song, I’d prefer “Hakuna Matata.” Give me that one. Is there some kind of exchange policy?

At the bare minimum, I think I’m entitled to at least a cut of the royalties. After all, Elton said it himself—this is my song, isn’t it? Then at least I’d have some cash on hand to go pick up extra ice when certain people forget to bring any. ♦